Announcement

Collapse

IMPORTANT Announcement.

Hello to all members new and old. Welcome to Origin Niche.

Just want to say that if you have posted in the tech-support forum or are just generally looking for help or an assist with something, and you think that nobody has seen your post, please feel free to PM me or any of the other Moderators and Administrators, we'll reply as soon as we can.

Redphyve
(Admin)
See more
See less

STUPID JOKES THREAD - you know we need one...

Collapse
This is a sticky topic.
X
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • STUPID JOKES THREAD - you know we need one...

    Pirate walks into a bar. Who doesnt love pirates???

    So this pirate walks into a bar. and he has a ship's steering wheel attached to his crotch. he goes and sits down at the bar and orders rum.

    The bartender stares at him for a long time. he finally can't take it anymore and says,"I gotta know why you got that wheel on your crotch, tell me?"
    So the pirate looks at him with his one good eye and says in a grimy toothed grin, "ya stupid land-lubber, can't ye see it drives me nuts????

    "yeeaaarrrgggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


    FORUM ADMIN

  • #2
    Ive got a couple of the blonde jokes; although i got nothing against em i still found these pair quite funny, I'll post something more tasteful next time :P :

    Q: How do you drown a blonde?

    A: Put a Scratch'n'Sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool


    Q: What are ten blondes at the bottom of a swimming pool called?

    A: Air Pockets

    Comment


    • #3
      what do you call a hoe with blonde hair....

      a dum bitch...

      thats the only one i could think of

      Comment


      • #4
        A professor was testing first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave the children lifesavers and asked them what they tasted like. The children began to say:

        "Red............ cherry"

        "Yellow......... lemon"

        "Green.......... lime"

        "Orange......... orange"

        Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.
        "Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue", It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled:

        Oh My God!!!! They're assholes!"
        Area 51M 7700

        Comment


        • #5
          How many emo's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

          None, they are all crying in the dark

          :emo:
          Virtual Blend - Facebook - Blog - Twitter

          Comment


          • #6
            i wish my grass was emo, so it could cut itself.
            My Review
            My Software Thread

            a51m-5500
            pentium M 725 pinmodded to 2.24GHz
            2GB transcend memory
            80GB hitachi HDD
            256MB ATi x1600 & intel gma 900





            Comment


            • #7
              What do you call a black pirate?


              A pirate you fucking racist. irate:

              Comment


              • #8
                Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A lady walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."

                The woman took a wrench from the toolbox, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from the toolbox, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

                Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a woman? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"


                FORUM ADMIN

                Comment


                • #9
                  What do you call a black emo?

                  invisible

                  this is not racist, at least I hope it's not viewed as that, but I just thought of it.
                  Virtual Blend - Facebook - Blog - Twitter

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Brooklyn Tony .........................


                    Brooklyn Tony ON MATH

                    The teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on Brooklyn Tony.

                    He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

                    The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

                    Then Brooklyn Tony says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

                    The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

                    To which Brooklyn Tony replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

                    =============



                    Brooklyn Tony ON ENGLISH

                    Brooklyn Tony goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

                    TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."

                    Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Brooklyn Tony, that's a mouthful."

                    Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

                    =========================

                    Brooklyn Tony ON GRAMMAR

                    Brooklyn Tony was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!"

                    The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

                    Brooklyn Tony, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      What did Kanye West get on his SAT?

                      Barbeque sauce

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

                        Christopher Walken.
                        Virtual Blend - Facebook - Blog - Twitter

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,
                          interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a
                          woman.
                          For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal
                          door and handed him a gun.
                          "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
                          circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair.
                          Kill Her!

                          The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The
                          agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and
                          go home."

                          The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
                          into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with
                          tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

                          The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

                          Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to
                          kill her husband.
                          She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after
                          another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few
                          minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
                          She wiped the sweat from her brow.
                          "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with
                          the chair."
                          Virtual Blend - Facebook - Blog - Twitter

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
                            "What are you doing?" She asked.
                            "Hunting Flies" He responded.
                            "Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
                            "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
                            Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
                            He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

                            --------------------------------------------------------------------------

                            Mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother, "What's that?"

                            "That's the elephant's tail," she replies.
                            "No, under the tail," says the youngster.
                            The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, "Oh, nothing."
                            The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question.
                            His father looks and says, "That's the elephant's penis, son."
                            "So, why did mum say it was nothing?" asks the boy.

                            The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."

                            ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
                            A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
                            Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

                            Boy: "Dark in here."
                            Man: "Yes it is."
                            Boy: "I have a baseball."
                            Man: "That's nice."
                            Boy: "Want to buy it?"
                            Man: "No, thanks."
                            Boy: My dad's outside."
                            Man: "OK, how much?"
                            Boy: "$250."

                            In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

                            Boy: "Dark in here."
                            Man: "Yes, it is."
                            Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
                            Man: "How much?"
                            Boy: "$750."
                            Man: "Fine."

                            A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
                            The boy says, "I can't ! I sold them."
                            The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
                            The son says,"$1,000."
                            The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
                            They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
                            The boy says, "Dark in here."
                            The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by lilfields
                              What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

                              Christopher Walken.
                              AND WE HAVE A WINNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

                              I almost dropped my corn-flakes!


                              FORUM ADMIN

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X